A big hello to you All!
This is Sara writing on behalf of Mum/Moannie... she asked me to give you all an update as she is unable at this time to get to her beloved Paco and write to you all in her own inimitable fashion.

Yesterday she was in some discomfort with her breathing and it was decided it was best that she be admitted  into the local Hospice for monitoring and  assessment.

Last night NOAOS reported that she was comfortable and feeling safe and cared for.
Today JP/Dad and I visited her; although she is very tired and struggling, l am pleased to say she is not in any pain. As the Doctors and nurses continue to monitor her, the aim appears to be to get her as comfortable as possible with a view to coming home.

She sends you all her love and wants you to know that your comments have moved her very much and help to sustain her. My father, siblings and I are so very touched by your constant visits to her blog and please continue to drop by, as we read them all the comments and emails to her at each visit.

Sara x

Now That Wasn't So Hard, Was It?

As it turned out the decision was not that difficult. When faced with only two choices neither  of which one does not truly want...it became almost an eeny meeny miney mo,  choice, and I came down on the side of 'do nothing' and I'm pleased I did. Now the full might of the NHS and the  Hospice are swinging into action to ease my way and all I have to do is get the most out of the time I have; hopefully I shall feel better than I feel at the moment.

The policy of the Hospice  movement is 'Do not resuscitate' and at first I had some trouble with it. Was assured that if, for example I was choking on a stringy French bean every effort would be made to help me, whereas they would make no effort to resuscitate if I suffered a major heart attack, or coronary    for example when  a life saved would be spent unconscious and hooked up to machines. I have opted for a home delivery [nice touch, l thought for I shall be delivered after a fashion.] But all that is way down the line.
Someone will tell me, I hope, if I stray outside of the boundaries of what is decent and tasteful to discuss on an open Blog...though perhaps it's to late to worry about being 'nice'.

Fact is; it doesn't really matter, does it?

A Rock and a Hard Place

Dear everyone, you must know how happy it makes me to receive your comments. At the moment I am between a rock and a very hard place, hence the title. Last week I went with NOAOS to see my Consultant with regard my recent scan results. It ain't good. The Fecker has come back with a vengeance in the last two months since I have ceased Chemo treatment. The Consulting room was filled with an air of doom and nobody could meet my eyes. Looks to the ground and walls as I tried to take in the news.

A short sharp shock of Radiotherapy has just made me feel worse. There were supposed to be no side effects but it has wiped me out completely.

Two choices my friends: let nature take its course, or undergo more Chemo which I know is going to be difficult if not impossible.

My Consultant says that if I do nothing I have between 3-6 months, to quote her "it's very difficult to say for sure, as everyone is different". That's the Rock, as for the Hard Place it's a case of Chemo again only this time it will be less effective than before and more devastating for me physically with a view to extending my days. I honestly don't know what to do but I have to make a decision by the weekend or further treatment will be ineffective. Whatever I decide I will keep writing or dictating my Blog until the end. You have been warned!

At the same time as this going on, JP went into Hospital yesterday for a triple A; Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. I am very relieved to say that the operation seems to have gone well. A Stent was inserted into place to relieve the pressure. They reckon it would have ruptured within six months. Talk about fate, it was only discovered by accident when he passed some blood. Turned out it was a Kidney Stone (which didn't cause any pain) and was sent for a routine Ultrasound check-up, whereupon they saw the 'bubble'. He is due to come home in a few days but remains to be seen how he will be going forward.

As someone who 'manages' me and has been my Primary Carer for the last year, we will have to lean on each other from now on. Not the way I wanted or believed it would turn out but there's still time to pull out the Million to 1 shot and take the Fecker down!

Thank you my friends for your continued thoughts, prayers and love. It has made a huge difference over this last year and of course since we met in Blogland.

It ain't over 'til it's over.