Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Now That Wasn't So Hard, Was It?

As it turned out the decision was not that difficult. When faced with only two choices neither  of which one does not truly want...it became almost an eeny meeny miney mo,  choice, and I came down on the side of 'do nothing' and I'm pleased I did. Now the full might of the NHS and the  Hospice are swinging into action to ease my way and all I have to do is get the most out of the time I have; hopefully I shall feel better than I feel at the moment.

The policy of the Hospice  movement is 'Do not resuscitate' and at first I had some trouble with it. Was assured that if, for example I was choking on a stringy French bean every effort would be made to help me, whereas they would make no effort to resuscitate if I suffered a major heart attack, or coronary    for example when  a life saved would be spent unconscious and hooked up to machines. I have opted for a home delivery [nice touch, l thought for I shall be delivered after a fashion.] But all that is way down the line.
Someone will tell me, I hope, if I stray outside of the boundaries of what is decent and tasteful to discuss on an open Blog...though perhaps it's to late to worry about being 'nice'.

Fact is; it doesn't really matter, does it?

45 comments:

  1. Darlin', I want to hear every word of whatever you feel like telling us, and don't you worry a single little bit about propriety. Let it all hang out in the fashion that seems most fitting to you at the moment. I, for one, will devour it all, with relish.

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    1. Dearest Moannie,
      I could not say it any ebtter than Suldog has already done.
      Much, much love,
      Merisi

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    2. Right with you Suldog.
      Prob is the best decision Moannie - and we will be here with you on the journey
      Hugs
      xxx

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  2. Share your stories however you choose. It's your life. Big Hugs!

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  3. Forgive me, mum, but i was sooo hoping for that choice.
    You've put up a fight for the ages, but i so hate the thought of you suffering under all the effort in a gloomy hospital.
    I would so rather you live for a few awhile, rather than survive in misery.
    I told sara i want you to go home, sit outside with papa n milou and smell the air. Paint, play some cards, rest, drink a lil gin.
    Live
    I hope for this for you.
    I love you
    Rick

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    Replies
    1. Can I use your comment to say how hard I know this must be for you and Saz as well as Moannie. Thinking of all of you!
      John

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    2. Adding my joy to your family unity and support, adding my tears to what is a very deep pool, which we all swim in. Love to you and your family, Moannie!

      P.S. Put a little gin in your sweet lemonade... that's my favorite way to drink it! 8-)

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    3. just to clarify here....Rick is a dear friend to Moannie and myself...

      not my brother (often referred to by Mum as NOAOS)

      My brother 'JMF' left a comment below on behalf of Mum and the family

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  4. I hope making your decision has brought you a bit of peace, and you can set about wringing every last bit of joy and happiness out of your days. My darling mum faced the same thing last year, so I know a little bit about what a bloody vile, hideous situation it is, whichever way you turn. As a stranger and a latecomer to your blog it strikes me you’re a woman who has always been in charge of her own destiny and that won’t change now. And nor should it. Say what you like, it’s your life and your blog. I’m rooting for you, and wishing you love and strength.

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  5. Moannie......I am so, so proud of you.......I believe the choice is the best of the two offered you.
    We all have to play the hand we're given, right?
    I just found out yesterday that I have to have brain surgery......after a year long headache, 24/7, which I called names similar to the names you called your attacker..........and I am feeling somewhat lost at the moment.
    Reading your post, I am reminded, that 'acceptance is the answer to all my problems today'.
    Sending you prayers for lots of 'good' time, and special moments with your family.
    And you say whatever the hell you want to say. It's your blog....and your life.

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    1. Dearest Hilary...you have been so quietly dignified during your long battle with your own Fecker, I have been inspired. May this be a hiccup.. Love and hugs..XXX Annie

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  6. Not only do I read Suldog's posts for his raucous wit and such but also for his wisdom and his comments today I do believe are very wise and just for you to follow as best you can -all things considered as to what you are able to write, to do, at any given time. You've always been pretty up-front and forward in your posts so why change that aspect now? Make these posts the best ever than Ms. Moanie has to offer to us. Peace, my friend.

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  7. I say tell it like it is. Life is what it is, and death is just a natural part of life. I sure hope I get to meet you on the other side and get to sit and hold your dear sweet hand and have long, long, chats with you. Just please remember me. Hugs.

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  8. You made the decision I would have made and anything you feel like blogging I want to read. Hope the time you have brings you peace.

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  9. I just linked to a comedian/writer who is able to put serious issues into fun and common terms which make me laugh and cry at the same time. You seem to be moving carefully and with full calmness toward this time Thank you for sharing what you wish. We all will grow and learn for it when our time comes, as it will.

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  10. Mum, I'm so proud of you...

    I know how awful you feel at the moment and that even getting out of bed, with your nasty breathing at the moment is a chore!!! the fact you've managed to turn ole Paco on and write out a post is FABBY!!

    i was wondering if l should write an update for you and forgot to ask you when we spoke earlier...I haven't had the heart to write updates on my ALICE blg and for that I apologise to you and all your friends here..

    Love you more Mum..
    sazzie x x x

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    Replies
    1. Saz,
      I think we all knew why you weren't posting on your blog and no apologies needed from us,
      Love
      John

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    2. Thinking of you Saz - lovely words from you and Rick.

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    3. Indeed. Love and prayers to you, too, Saz!

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  11. I can only echo what everyone else has said......I am glad you made the choice you did, and wish that you could feel better. As for your blog? if you are feeling up to blogging then say what you want when you want to....I love reading your words and feel so glad to have met you in person........I hope JP is well and lovely Milou is still as friendly! please accept a virtual hug x

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  12. When the end result is the same, I think you made the best possible choice. Dying is borning, borning is dying. You should write and post about it. It's a natural process and should be celebrated the same as when you came into this world.

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  13. I have only been blogging a little over a year and have followed you much of that time and read as many posts as I could. Your openess with what is happening is breathtakingly raw and therfore has a beauty to it that no one else could ever convey on your behalf. I will pray for you and yours and that you are able and willing to post as long as you see fit, for in writing I am sure you find relief and acceptance. Your words fall on saddened hearts, as I like many others, have giggled at quite a few of your life experiences. My wish for you and yours is that those stories continue to pour out of you as your days are filled with happiness, and the small joys of life that makes this journey so worth it. Take care lady. ~Crystal

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  14. I'm so sorry you were faced with this decision. I enjoy reading your posts and hope you will continue to write when you can - with all the honesty you've always granted us. I hope your future days are filled with contentment and love. ~Susan

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  15. moannie, it seems you and saz and rick are at peace with this and that is an invaluable thing. i can only assume the rest of your family is similarly supportive and for this i am very glad. i can't say anything more eloquent that what rick has said. may your days be spent in the company of those you love and may there be strength to enjoy them to the fullest extent possible rather than suffer them in pain. and don't you spend a second worrying about "nice." you write what you want when you want or not at all if that's what suits you best. know you are loved by so many.

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  16. So glad that this was your decision. Like some others I didn't feel it was fair to tell you my view last week but being with the family and forgetting about more chemo was very much what I was hoping you'd opt for.

    I hope, no, I know you'll feel better as the effects of the last radiotherapy treatment wear off.

    I know my view on whether things are decent or not - if anyone finds your honesty and pain too hard to bear they can just stop visiting. I, and, I suspect everyone else, will be with you all the way and sending our love in the process.

    A huge virtual hug,
    John

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  17. It's your blog, you can talk about whatever you want. I shall have to face this sooner rather than later I suppose. I'm not scared of dying, but once they can no longer do anything more for me and it changes to palliative care, its the pain I don't want to go through...or going on for any length of time lingering...so far, I've been lucky with the chemo and tend to tolerate it really well..

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  18. I like the way you lay it on the line and keep doing that. I think the Hospice rules about recussitation is right and am glad about the runner bean being the exception.
    Not easy commenting while standing up. That is all I can do for now. Latest news on my last post.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  19. I'm terribly squeamish but will keep reading you provided you keep writing. Don't worry about being nice, just don't stop being you.

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  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. I removed my original comment after realising that, despite my best intentions, it might have seemed insensitive to some. So all I can say, as a long-time visitor, is an inadequate 'all the best'.

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  21. It's the strangest of things, being a blog reader. You hover around on the edge of people's real lives, feeling almost part of them, growing in affection and understanding even when you've never actually met them.
    I've been one of those 'hoverers' occasionally passing by, sometimes leaving a comment, more often not.
    Today, I feel compelled to leave a few words; not because I know the right thing to say, not because I know how you, or your family, feel; just because I want you to know that every single time you write something, you make some of us feel that we can live our lives a little better.
    I think I just wanted to say Thank You.

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  22. How could I not ditto what Sully said. You tell it in true Moannie style.

    Love and hugs to you, Saz, JP, Rick and all of those who love you.. which is clearly many right here in your blog world.

    You are a gem, Moannie.

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  23. This has to be one of the most incredible blog posts I've ever read.

    Thank you for the honesty and saying it like it is for you.

    Lessons for myself in this without a doubt - will my time come with a decision like this or a mistake on timing the lights across the Euston Road and the ensuing argument I'm bound to lose with a number 10 bus to Hammersmith. Who knows... but I learn from those that go before me to the places I've yet to travel.

    Much love to you and all those around you

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  24. Just sending a bit more love and prayer your way, Moannie.

    Tell me - Is there anything here in USA that you especially might like some of, but can't find around your town? Say the word and I'll see if I can send some your way.

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  25. You have no idea how many times a day the thought of you enters my mind. Sending love and prayers your way.....

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  26. Sitting with Mum reading her blog comments. They mean the world to her. You have all been so kind and loving. She's still fighting although it's really getting tough now. Please keep sending her messages, they are a source of strength to her and to our family. If only we could send you all plane tickets to come and visit and say goodbye.
    It ain't over yet....

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    Replies
    1. this is NOAOS, my brother....and I just want to echo this comment..
      saz x

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  27. Sending you love and peace, Moannie. xxx

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  28. I offered up a prayer for you just now as I read this. Many of us would like to be able to find a way to make you feel more comfortable, but somehow, it is you who has brought inspiration and solace to us. Thanks for that. God bless you.
    x

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  29. Discuss what ever you like I'm a patient myself= I hope you have a pet there you can stroke away on on hard days..sandy You are a light to us all...

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  30. G'day, Princess

    I was going to say "My dear Moannie" but you are so much more than that to our global blogging family. You are "OUR dear/dearest/beloved Moannie".

    Simple as that, isn't it?

    You have no idea how your blog has grabbed our attention over the years, nor can you imagine how deeply we feel about you, for you, on behalf of you.

    We salute your style. We cherish your ability to keep us informed. And we value your courage.

    You always called me "Sir Knight" and I have never forgotten that.

    I've said this before and I'll say it again. My Mum would have loved you.

    Love from Authorblog and every other blogger you've captivated ... and will continue to captivate.

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  31. Thinking of you and yours, beautiful Moanie. Sending love and strength your way.

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  32. Sending prayers for strength and peace and comfort. Sending hugs and love. Sending out a huge thank you for sharing yourself with us, entertaining us, and a personal thank you for your kind, loving comments on my blog when my father was fighting Alzheimer's.
    God bless!

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  33. I am here from Hilary's blog.

    I work in palliative care and signing the D.N.R is always daunting and scary. There are no easy answers.

    Please blog everything. We need to talk about life, the last stages of living and death. When we talk we step out of ignorance and learn from one another. Nothing is more important.

    Namaste.

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