Tomorrow (Monday) I will have the biopsy which will decide my fate.
but first this side bar...
it is Sunday. I was admitted Tuesday and have been pricked and bled, rayed and scanned and in those few days I have gone from nasty cough to nasty shadow to needing a stent to open the blood supply to some vital organs.
(Mum writes this as if it were a nothing- it was in fact critical- some perspective please Mum. btw I do have her permission to interject at will)
And I have been so sleep deprived that I had begun to believe I was invisible! Thanks in part to the steroid high.
With decision day looming NOAOSon decided that if I couldn't sleep and he couldn't either, he would come and sit with me until I slept. A lovely idea.
However we did rather misbehave.
Complaints were apparently made and we were stonily asked to please keep the noise down. I was sorry and docile but NOAOSon said that we only kept our noise to the level of the ward - why was there for example a bell continuously ringng, machines buzzing, a nebulizer which had not been turned off and a trauma inpatient fretfully looking for his wife?
Staff Nurse left to consult the Sister and returned with the offer of a private sideroom, complete with en-suite and cable telly. Bizarre or what!
I moved in with suitable gratitude thinking of the silence - the absolute bliss of silence - I would sleep at last - for the first time in 5 days I might get more than 3 hours.
well NOAOSon left at 12.40am and it is now 2.35am. the silence is so complete that my wheeze is deafening and frightening - a spider is playing Cirque de Soleil acrobatics above my head and I thin there is a ghost in the corridor.
I hope tomorrows news will get me home.
Milou is lost.
and JP is getting too settled with half the village looking after him.
Moannie x
(Mum has asked me to tell you, that she is so grateful and overwhelmed by your support, love and words of kindness in the last week. I am feeding her your comments and emails. She probably will not be writing here herself for now, she prefers to give me her words to post on her behalf. But she has every word you send in her heart, filling her with strength and courage. Mum thanks you and I and my siblings thank you. Saz)
I am impressed by her sense of humor in what must be a difficult time to even think much let put together a post. Yes, we all wait for her to return to her computer, but lets hope she get much more rest to heal and face all these tests.
ReplyDeletei found you through Smitten image blog , i which you all the best today ♥
ReplyDeletethe spider do the cirque de soleil....smiles....prayers for you....hilary sent me your way....
ReplyDeleteSending prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteI doubt anyone ever sleeps in hospital .. if you do, they come wake you to take BP and temp ... or dose you with meds to help you sleep ..
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
ReplyDeletesending my thoughts and prayers your way this difficult time.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
::hugs:: Thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteI can never sleep in a hospital it's too cold. Love your sense of humor, you are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteI looked away for just a little while, and came back to find all this has happened... sending hugs and prayers and best wishes. You just keep on misbehaving, no need to start being proper just because you're in hospital. FIGHT!
ReplyDeleteMoannie, your sense of humour is delicious and will get you through much. Thank you for continuing to update us.. and of course to you also, Saz. Hugs to both of you.
ReplyDeleteI come here from Hilary's but realize I have been here before
ReplyDeleteI knew it as soon as I saw your beautiful, graceful face and absolutely know it when I read your words
I went back through posts to understand what is happening
I loved your words about gallows humor, it has saved me many times
I have a circle of friends who light yellow candles for someone we are thinking of
I'll call each of them and tell them that a crcle of yellow light is needed tonight
and hey!! that rhymes
I'm so talented :)
hugs to you
and to your children
your heart is felt in your words... it amazes me that you can find such humor and acceptance in all that you are going through ~ my wish is that you get lots of rest so you can heal and be home ~ sending lots of love & light to you and your family ♥
ReplyDeletehere via hilary
Dear Moanie, I hope your tests bring all good news and that that good news brings you much needed rest. I'm cheering you on from Los Angeles.
ReplyDeletexoxoxox jj
A biopsy will NOT decide your fate, just what the next step could be.
ReplyDeleteLove that you got a private room and hope you will finally sleep.
Please keep that positive attitude.
Thanks Saz for keeping us posted.
Sending a shaft of healing energy your way.
Milou come home.
I am a reader halfway around the world from you, and I'm sending as much good wishes and positive energy and hippy vibes as my California butt can muster. Here's to you coming home soon!
ReplyDeleteWishing you all the best, Moannie, and sending you all the positive, happy vibes I can muster. I read you constantly and have done for what seems lik years, but I never was brave enough to infiltrate your domain and comment; at least not regularly. Now I wish I had been. How stupid of me.
ReplyDeleteI really hope to see you back here soon so I can put that right. Lots of love. xxx
Hoping for the best possible outcome. Popped over from the Smitten Image and wish I'd stopped by earlier because of your sense of humor and beautiful writing. Will keep you in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteHospitals were not made for sleeping. So glad you have your wits, and your family, about you. You are teaching us much about strength, grace and the importance of a good laugh. Keep laughing, Moannie.
ReplyDeleteI've been a poor "follower." But I am sending you as much light and healing wishes as I am able... And Gaelyn is right: the biopsy is not your fate, it is merely the next step. Here's hoping that all goes smoothly, and that the result is the best possible.
Oh, my dearest, sweetest Morannie,
ReplyDeletethere I was, taking a few absences, i.e. travels, and where do I find you?
I keep you in my heart, my mind, I will all the powers of the universe to watch out and care for you, so that you can go home safely and in comfort.
Much love, Merisi
It is awful trying to get any rest in hospital and those steroids are a curse as I know too well because my husband is pumped out with them at the moment.
ReplyDeleteNo... the biopsy will just tell the hospital what further treatment will be required. They wouldn't have put in a stent if you didn't have a very good chance of getting over this problem.
Think about getting well and returning home soon and rescuing Milou from the neighbours' over indulgences.
Love and prayers...
Maggie X
Nuts in May
Ah, Moannie......your situation is one that any of us could be in, at a moment's notice. There is nothing to be done, but to do with as much humor, and as much grace, and as much courage, as you can muster.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, you are incredible.
Okay, Moannie....you have to get out of the hospital quickly because you still haven't seen Buddy Greco in person, and I found this on his website.....
ReplyDelete"Buddy Greco: Rat Pack Legend!
£25.00
Book until:25 Nov 2011 at 5:00 pm
Book for dinner?: *Please selectYesNo
All guests must order a main meal if choosing the dining option and seated in the dining area
Number of guests (parties of 7 or more booking for dinner must contact the venue prior to purchasing tickets to confirm the group can be accommodated):
Friday 25th November, Tickets £25, Doors 7pm, Music 9.30pm (1 set, approx finish 11pm)
Buddy Greco
Legendary member of the original Rat Pack, Buddy Greco will be playing his classic hits in this intimate gig at Hideaway. Buddy is known worldwide and has sold millions of records in a career that started from the age of 18 when Benny Goodman picked him as pianist for his internationally acclaimed band. These are his only dates in London this year, so don't miss out on Buddy singing his Rat Pack classics such as The Lady Is A Tramp and Around The World."
That means you have exactly 15 days to find out what's ailing you, decide on treatment, then get out and make your reservations...you can begin treatment on the 26th. I'm sure Buddy Greco will make you feel better! Right?
Besides, anyone who lived through bombs exploding over their house, was sent to an orphanage, had a TERRIBLE, mean step-father, fought with the internet service, and came out kind, loving, and strong like you did, cannot let a little thing like cancer beat them!
Oh, and guess what! Remember my mother in law fell and broke her hip while having a heart attack last year and was in a nursing home? She will be 86 next month....and she is walking and doing for herself now, and going back to her apartment. You know what? She went through World War II, also! You both are tough women!Hang in there!
All my love and prayers are with you.
Moannie, I haven't read you blog before. I am sorry you have this serious health problem but I am impressed with your sense of humour at such a time and wish you a happier result to your procedures and tests. You are an inspiration - Dave (New Zealand)
ReplyDeletePeople always make me laugh when they say that at least in hospital, you will get a rest!!! No such luck as they constantly take your temp, blood pressure etc throughout the night and wake you up!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteI have been at the stage where you are, all that poking and prodding and you are dealing with it in exactly the same way as I did. Laughter is the best medicine. Thinking of you :)
your pluck seems undimmed, which is good to see. praying the biopsy results are the best possible. saw over at saz's that you are home now and milou sis safe. hoping you are resting and sleeping comfortable as you recover from all the poking and prodding.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading the last couple of entries! I'll say this, for sure - I'd love to have you as my roommate, IF I had to have a roommate. However, you've touched upon the thing I would most not like about being in hospital (aside from being ill, of course) and that would be the general lack of silence. I work with sound, Moannie, as you know, and a goodly portion of my job involves listening for and deleting off-putting sounds in recorded voice files. As a result, I have become annoyingly unable to tune out annoying sounds. And hospitals are full of it.
ReplyDelete(Take that last bit in whatever way you wish. Or don't take it at all, if that suits you.)
You know, I hope, that I am praying for you. I'm not sure how much good will be accomplished via the prayers of a reprobate such as myself, but the possibility exists that they will be so unexpected that they will count for double!
Love you. Please give us the update as soon as possible.
Moannie....firstly....I LOVE your new blog portrait..you look gorgeous....and secondly..I don't know what to say that all those other people haven't already expressed.....so I will just remind you to continue to be 'up and at'em lady!'...and look forward to hugging you another time, when next we meet. You are loved and blessed and have SO got to believe in the power of all those good thoughts and wishes coming your way.
ReplyDeleteI'm so worried about you....praying that you are still having fun misbehaving. I'll bet that ghost in the corner is not a ghost at all, but a guardian angel. Know you are loved!
ReplyDeleteBOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
ReplyDeleteWhy American men should boycott American women
http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/
I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don't know how to cook or clean, don't want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?
American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.
This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.
Tens of millions of American men have had their lives completely destroyed by American women through the following crimes:
1. False rape accusations (it has been proven that up to 80 percent of rape accusations are FALSE)
2. False DV charges (same as above)
3. Financial RAPE of men in divorce courts
4. Emotional destruction of men by ex-wives who have stolen their children from them and forbidden contact
5. Divorced dads who commit suicide as a result
Not one single American woman has EVER condemned their fellow American women for committing these crimes against men. Silence means consent. Therefore, American women support and enjoy destroying men's lives and causing men to commit suicide. Therefore, is it any surprise that a huge percent of American men no longer want anything to do with American women, other than using them for easy sex and then throwing them away?
Over 50 percent of American women are single, without a boyfriend or husband; so the fact is most American men no longer want to marry American women. Let these worthless American women grow old living alone with their 10 cats.
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!
it's strange, i know, but i loved this part
ReplyDelete(well NOAOSon left at 12.40am and it is now 2.35am. the silence is so complete that my wheeze is deafening and frightening - a spider is playing Cirque de Soleil acrobatics above my head and I thin there is a ghost in the corridor)
i found peace in this-until you told me milou was lost
rick