In Loving Memory

It is with deep sadness that we write today as a family to tell you of the passing of Moannie on Monday 8th October 2012.

We would like you all to know that your messages and gifts have been, throughout her long illness, a genuine source of comfort to her and to us all. She would often talk about her 'blogging', the friends she had made and the wonderful stories you told. She thought of you as her extended family and one of the most upsetting effects of her illness was the fact she could no longer 'talk' to you all from her beloved, if temperamental computer 'Paco'.

Although this will be the last posting on her blog, as a tribute to Mum and you, her followers, 'The View From This End' will remain live so that we can all continue to spend time with her.

Mum, you touched so many lives. We hope you realise just how much.

You are loved and missed.

Sunday evening catch up

Just a short post to tell you all that Mum/Moannie was readmitted to the Hospice on Wednesday; whilst her meds are being reviewed and a hospital bed is being installed at home for her and her carers convenience.

Mum is very tired at the moment as her meds have given her some issues which need addressing and require her to be monitored. We expect her to return home by next weekend, where she will be more comfortable. The new bed, as I understand it,  is an all dancing and singing one, whereby she can alter the mattress for her back and legs, giving better support. Sounds great, I think I want one!!

This time obviously gives Dad/JP some respite to relax, catch up on sleep and doze in front of the French News station...by this I am guessing he will be up a ladder out in the garde, hedge trimming, cutting down the overgrown bit and bobs that have been calling to him as he's been on duty with Mum. and he's naughty 'cos he knows he should be taking it easier himself ..but then have you ever tried to tell a french man what to do, when and how to do it!! No way Jose...I mean Jean- Pierre!

back here soon, meanwhile keep the positive thoughts coming...thank you!

Saz xx

On their behalf...

When I wrote the last post I said it was Mum's intention to write you all very soon and indeed it was. She has been receiving so many lovely comments, support, cards, gifts and love from so many of you out there that she wanted to write to all you very badly.

However, I have been chatting with Dad/JP this evening and as Mum's condition seems to be declining rather more quickly than any of us expected, he asked me to write and thank you all for supporting her with all your comments and good wishes. This is on behalf of Mum/Moannie as well as from Dad/JP,  as he has been very touched by the effect that you have had on her over the years and more importantly recently. Dad doesn't really understand this technology of the internet and blogging, he doesn't use a mobile phone but has enjoyed hearing the stories and reading some of Mum/s favourite posts etc when she would print them out for him.

I'm sorry to have have to tell you that Mum cannot get to her beloved Paco and is rarely out of bed now.

I'm sure you can all in fill in the blanks.

I will continue to to post here ( as my brother and sister may do so also ) and I will keep you informed as to Moannie's condition. She is still  at home with Dad looking after her, Milou is on guard at the bottom of the stairs; my brother NOAOS visits most days and shores up our Dad; my sister visited this weekend and made some hearty soup that they both relished and sat with Mum throughout the weekend.

Again thank you for always stopping by and being here.

luv Saz xx

Some good news...

I am very pleased to be able to tell you that this afternoon, Mum/Moannie came home.

After two weeks in the Hospice, she has be well looked after, monitored and her symptoms have been relieved. She has begun to sleep better through the night and so has more energy.

So tonight she is very comfortable and happy to be surrounded by the comfort of her own home, and l'm guessing that means JP and Milou as well!

pic taken by my sister a few weeks ago

I will keep you updated on her progress and no doubt when she can get to Paco she may well post to you all very soon. At the moment she is not up to receiving visitors, but in the meantime we will continue to pass your comments and kind thoughts on to her and to JP/Dad who is doing an amazing job of which I am in total awe.

back soon

Sara xx

A big hello to you All!
This is Sara writing on behalf of Mum/Moannie... she asked me to give you all an update as she is unable at this time to get to her beloved Paco and write to you all in her own inimitable fashion.

Yesterday she was in some discomfort with her breathing and it was decided it was best that she be admitted  into the local Hospice for monitoring and  assessment.

Last night NOAOS reported that she was comfortable and feeling safe and cared for.
Today JP/Dad and I visited her; although she is very tired and struggling, l am pleased to say she is not in any pain. As the Doctors and nurses continue to monitor her, the aim appears to be to get her as comfortable as possible with a view to coming home.

She sends you all her love and wants you to know that your comments have moved her very much and help to sustain her. My father, siblings and I are so very touched by your constant visits to her blog and please continue to drop by, as we read them all the comments and emails to her at each visit.

Sara x

Now That Wasn't So Hard, Was It?

As it turned out the decision was not that difficult. When faced with only two choices neither  of which one does not truly want...it became almost an eeny meeny miney mo,  choice, and I came down on the side of 'do nothing' and I'm pleased I did. Now the full might of the NHS and the  Hospice are swinging into action to ease my way and all I have to do is get the most out of the time I have; hopefully I shall feel better than I feel at the moment.

The policy of the Hospice  movement is 'Do not resuscitate' and at first I had some trouble with it. Was assured that if, for example I was choking on a stringy French bean every effort would be made to help me, whereas they would make no effort to resuscitate if I suffered a major heart attack, or coronary    for example when  a life saved would be spent unconscious and hooked up to machines. I have opted for a home delivery [nice touch, l thought for I shall be delivered after a fashion.] But all that is way down the line.
Someone will tell me, I hope, if I stray outside of the boundaries of what is decent and tasteful to discuss on an open Blog...though perhaps it's to late to worry about being 'nice'.

Fact is; it doesn't really matter, does it?

A Rock and a Hard Place

Dear everyone, you must know how happy it makes me to receive your comments. At the moment I am between a rock and a very hard place, hence the title. Last week I went with NOAOS to see my Consultant with regard my recent scan results. It ain't good. The Fecker has come back with a vengeance in the last two months since I have ceased Chemo treatment. The Consulting room was filled with an air of doom and nobody could meet my eyes. Looks to the ground and walls as I tried to take in the news.

A short sharp shock of Radiotherapy has just made me feel worse. There were supposed to be no side effects but it has wiped me out completely.

Two choices my friends: let nature take its course, or undergo more Chemo which I know is going to be difficult if not impossible.

My Consultant says that if I do nothing I have between 3-6 months, to quote her "it's very difficult to say for sure, as everyone is different". That's the Rock, as for the Hard Place it's a case of Chemo again only this time it will be less effective than before and more devastating for me physically with a view to extending my days. I honestly don't know what to do but I have to make a decision by the weekend or further treatment will be ineffective. Whatever I decide I will keep writing or dictating my Blog until the end. You have been warned!

At the same time as this going on, JP went into Hospital yesterday for a triple A; Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. I am very relieved to say that the operation seems to have gone well. A Stent was inserted into place to relieve the pressure. They reckon it would have ruptured within six months. Talk about fate, it was only discovered by accident when he passed some blood. Turned out it was a Kidney Stone (which didn't cause any pain) and was sent for a routine Ultrasound check-up, whereupon they saw the 'bubble'. He is due to come home in a few days but remains to be seen how he will be going forward.

As someone who 'manages' me and has been my Primary Carer for the last year, we will have to lean on each other from now on. Not the way I wanted or believed it would turn out but there's still time to pull out the Million to 1 shot and take the Fecker down!

Thank you my friends for your continued thoughts, prayers and love. It has made a huge difference over this last year and of course since we met in Blogland.

It ain't over 'til it's over.