The King asked
The Queen, and
The Queen asked
The Dairymaid:
"Could we have some butter for
The Royal slice of bread?"
The Queen asked the Dairymaid,
The Dairymaid
Said, "Certainly,
I'll go and tell the cow
Now
Before she goes to bed."
The Dairymaid
She curtsied,
And went and told the Alderney:
"Don't forget the butter for
The Royal slice of bread."
The Alderney said sleepily:
"You'd better tell
His Majesty
That many people nowadays
Like marmalade
Instead."
The Dairymaid
Said "Fancy!"
And went to
Her Majesty.
She curtsied to the Queen, and
She turned a little red:
"Excuse me,
Your Majesty,
For taking of
The liberty,
But marmalade is tasty, if
It's very
Thickly
Spread."
The Queen said
"Oh!"
And went to his Majesty:
"Talking of the butter for
The royal slice of bread,
Many people
Think that
Marmalade
Is nicer.
Would you like to try a little
Marmalade
Instead?"
The King said,
"Bother!"
And then he said,
"Oh, deary me!"
The King sobbed, "Oh, deary me!"
And went back to bed.
"Nobody,"
He whimpered,
"Could call me
A fussy man;
I only want
A little bit
Of butter for
My bread!"
The Queen said,
"There, there!"
And went to
The Dairymaid.
The Dairymaid
Said, "There, there!"
And went to the shed.
The cow said,
"There, there!
I didn't really
Mean it;
Here's milk for his porringer
And butter for his bread."
The queen took the butter
And brought it to
His Majesty.
The King said
"Butter, eh?"
And bounced out of bed.
"Nobody," he said,
As he kissed her
Tenderly,
"Nobody," he said,
As he slid down
The banisters,
"Nobody,
My darling,
Could call me
A fussy man -
BUT
I do like a little bit of butter to my bread!"
-- A A Milne
NOW WE ARE SIX
I love this bit of nonsense as I love all the works of AA Milne. This came back to me last night. Having first been woken up by JP's nightly shout...last nights was all about Credit cards, Bills and turning off lights - [he was asleep...it is a nightly occurrance] and then his snoring, which though noisy, at least showed me he was in a deep sleep and the nightly yelling was over- I was wide awake. It was then that I remembered another poem...after AA Milne written by the brilliant Christopher Matthew in his book NOW WE ARE SIXTY [AND A BIT] It is called I WISH [after IF I WERE KING]
I often wish that I were dead,Instead of lying here in bed
And torturing my silly headWith everything from A to Z:
With germs and poisons being spread,And all that blood so freely shed,
And why we're all so badly led,And who should do the job instead,
And what it was my wife/hubs once saidAbout what's in the garden shed,
And what became of poor old Ted,And, while I think about it, Fred,
And why I am not better read,And should I move to Leatherhead?
I often wish that I were dead,And free from mortal fear and dread.
But here I am, tucked up in bed,Hanging by a tiny thread.
So today, I took down my two volumes of Christopher Matthew's modern take on A.A. Milne [a gift from number one and only son for my 60th birthday]and found his version of THE KING'S BREAKFAST. It's called THE QUEENS PICKLE.It was written around the time when the Queen asked for more money from the Civil Purse.
The Duke askedThe Queen, andThe Queen askedThe Chancellor:'Could one have some extraFor the Royal Board and Bed?The Queen rang the Chancellor,The ChancellorSaid, 'Prudence, Ma'am,I'll go and thinkTankBefore they all see red.'
The ChancellorThought 'Sod it,'And rang the boysAt Demos.'Any chance of extraFor the Royal Board and Bed?'
The Demos boysSaid, 'Joking!You can go and tellHer MajestyThe thinking now is favouringA President instead.
The ChancellorSaid, 'Thrifty!'And went toHer Majesty.He winked with his good eye andSaid, 'I'm not well bred.Pardon me not bowing,But the on dit in the countryIs that private life is pleasant ifIt's comfortablyLed.'
The QueenSaid, 'Eeeow,'And went toSee Edinburgh.'You mentioned some extra forThe Royal Board and Bed.According toYoung GordonRetiringIs an option.Would one care to try someRetirementInstead?'
The Duke said,'Bollocks!And then he said,'Oh bugger it!The Duke yelled, 'Bastards!'And went brick red.'Nobody,'He barked,'Could call meDifficult,But frankly,Put it this way,I'd be betterOrf dead.'
The Queen snapped,'Philip!'And carpetedThe Chancellor.The ChancellorSaid, 'Now, now,Careful how you tread.We in New LabourAre hardlyPro-Monarchy,Push your luck, you'll end upIn a council house instead.
The Queen said,'Cobblers!'And called upHer bankers.The Manager said,'Money, ma'am?You're hardly in the red.''Good,' said the QueenAs she tripped on a corgi.'Great,' said the DukeAs he kissed his wifeTenderly.'Stuff'em,'they saidAs they drove down to Windsor.'When one's asRich as we are,One's one's own Way Ahead!'
All this is to give you a smile and to let you know that [a]we are all entitled to some butter on our bread. [b] To urge you to read All of the books mentioned and [c]funny stuff is always funny.
