Saturday, 15 January 2011

Buttering you up.

The King asked                   
 The Queen, and
 The Queen asked
 The Dairymaid:
 "Could we have some butter for
 The Royal slice of bread?"
 The Queen asked the Dairymaid,
 The Dairymaid
 Said, "Certainly,
 I'll go and tell the cow
 Before she goes to bed."

 The Dairymaid
 She curtsied,
 And went and told the Alderney:
 "Don't forget the butter for
 The Royal slice of bread."

 The Alderney said sleepily:
 "You'd better tell
 His Majesty
 That many people nowadays
 Like marmalade

 The Dairymaid
 Said "Fancy!"
 And went to
 Her Majesty.
 She curtsied to the Queen, and
 She turned a little red:
 "Excuse me,
 Your Majesty,
 For taking of
 The liberty,
 But marmalade is tasty, if
 It's very

 The Queen said
 And went to his Majesty:
 "Talking of the butter for
 The royal slice of bread,
 Many people
 Think that
 Is nicer.
 Would you like to try a little

 The King said,
 And then he said,
 "Oh, deary me!"
 The King sobbed, "Oh, deary me!"
 And went back to bed.
 He whimpered,
 "Could call me
 A fussy man;
 I only want
 A little bit
 Of butter for
 My bread!"

 The Queen said,
 "There, there!"
 And went to
 The Dairymaid.
 The Dairymaid
 Said, "There, there!"
 And went to the shed.
 The cow said,
 "There, there!
 I didn't really
 Mean it;
 Here's milk for his porringer
 And butter for his bread."

 The queen took the butter
 And brought it to
 His Majesty.
 The King said
 "Butter, eh?"
 And bounced out of bed.
 "Nobody," he said,
 As he kissed her
 "Nobody," he said,
 As he slid down
 The banisters,
 My darling,
 Could call me
 A fussy man -
 I do like a little bit of butter to my bread!"

-- A A Milne


I love this bit of nonsense as I love all the works of AA Milne. This came back to me last night. Having first been woken up by JP's nightly shout...last nights was all about Credit cards, Bills and turning off lights - [he was is a nightly occurrance] and then his snoring, which though noisy, at least showed me he was in a deep sleep and the nightly yelling was over- I was wide awake. It was then that I remembered another poem...after AA Milne written by the brilliant Christopher Matthew in his book NOW WE ARE SIXTY [AND A BIT]
It is called I WISH   [after IF I WERE KING]

I often wish that I were dead,
Instead of lying here in bed

And torturing my silly head
With everything from A to Z:

With germs and poisons being spread,
And all that blood so freely shed,

And why we're all so badly led,
And who should do the job instead,

And what it was my wife/hubs once said
About what's in the garden shed,

And what became of poor old Ted,
And, while I think about it, Fred,

And why I am not better read,
And should I move to Leatherhead?

I often wish that I were dead,
And free from mortal fear and dread.

But here I am, tucked up in bed,
Hanging by a tiny thread.

So today, I took down my two volumes of Christopher Matthew's modern take on A.A. Milne [a gift from number one and only son for my 60th birthday]and found his version of THE KING'S BREAKFAST. It's called THE QUEENS PICKLE.It was written around the time when the Queen asked for more money from the Civil Purse.

The Duke asked
The Queen, and
The Queen asked
The Chancellor:
'Could one have some extra
For the Royal Board and Bed?
The Queen rang the Chancellor,
The Chancellor
Said, 'Prudence, Ma'am,
I'll go and think
Before they all see red.'

The Chancellor
Thought 'Sod it,'
And rang the boys
At Demos.
'Any chance of extra
For the Royal Board and Bed?'

The Demos boys
Said, 'Joking!
You can go and tell
Her Majesty
The thinking now is favouring
A President instead.

The Chancellor
Said, 'Thrifty!'
And went to
Her Majesty.
He winked with his good eye and
Said, 'I'm not well bred.
Pardon me not bowing,
But the on dit in the country
Is that private life is pleasant if
It's comfortably

The Queen
Said, 'Eeeow,'
And went to
See Edinburgh.
'You mentioned some extra for
The Royal Board and Bed.
According to
Young Gordon
Is an option.
Would one care to try some

The Duke said,
And then he said,
'Oh bugger it!
The Duke yelled, 'Bastards!'
And went brick red.
He barked,
'Could call me
But frankly,
Put it this way,
I'd be better
Orf dead.'

The Queen snapped,
And carpeted
The Chancellor.
The Chancellor
Said, 'Now, now,
Careful how you tread.
We in 
New Labour
Are hardly
Push your luck, you'll end up
In a council house instead.

The Queen said,
And called up
Her bankers.
The Manager said,
'Money, ma'am?
You're hardly in the red.'
'Good,' said the Queen
As she tripped on a corgi.
'Great,' said the Duke
As he kissed his wife
'Stuff'em,'they said
As they drove down to Windsor.
'When one's as
Rich as we are,
One's one's own Way Ahead!'

All this is to give you a smile and to let you know that [a]we are all entitled to some butter on our bread. [b] To urge you to read All of the books mentioned and [c]funny stuff is always funny.


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  2. I am torn between offering you sympathy for a restless night's sleep or gratitude that is inspired you to share this.

  3. Gratitude. A good laugh, indeed.
    Interesting, my eighth grade English teacher was Mr. Leatherhead. Hmm.

  4. How fun! Thanks. I did smile, a lot!

  5. That was a lot of hard work for you putting this together..... but I'm glad you did because it was well woth the read.
    Thank you.
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

  6. Can't go wrong with A A Milne. Very fun stuff.

    Sorry to hear about hub's sleeping problem, which in turn becomes your sleeping problem.

  7. Thanks for sharing!

  8. I'd like to know something... Is your middle name 'Anne'?

    Thanks for stopping by #19! Come back and see me anytime.

  9. Mollie: Yes it is, though Christened Mollyanne it was always subdivided.

  10. Brownugz: You are very welcome and thank you for your company.

  11. Gaelyn: My life is never boring, even when himself is asleep

  12. Maggie May: Yes, it was hard work as I don't touch type...all those capitals, etc..XXX

  13. Pat: Thank you...that was my aim.

    Kay: Thank you for coming over.

    Jayne: Leatherhead is a nice town I believe. What fun if Mr. Leatherhead originated there.

    Indigodog: Either one gratfully received, thank you.

    Christobel: Thank you for your visit but I tend not to respond to things I don't understand.

  14. Loved this poetry!! I'm inspired to go find more works by these men.
    "at least showed me he was in a deep sleep and the nightly yelling was over-" --- classic :)

  15. I loved this! Not in my canon of children's stories, but so appreciated.

  16. Awesome post! Made me smile! Can't wait for more!

  17. A lovely post. My husband has taken to talking in his sleep and I'm never sure if I should answer him or just roll him over.

  18. You are excellent! I loved this post!

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  19. Love it. haha great blog. :) for any and all world news and truths including CIA documents leaked through visit my blog: and let me know what you think. my name is Alex.

  20. I am also a poet and a tv producer so my page is a broad portal to truth. check it out. :)

  21. I loved them!!! Brought back memories of my childhood :)

  22. Oh I totally loved this poem when I was young. My favourite was the poem about the India rubber ball, though. Thank you for posting these!

  23. yes india rubber ball is one of my favourites to...but then they are all good...and mum, moannie put melodies to some of them and l sang them to my kids whe they were smaller...

    saz x

  24. I love A.A. Milne too. I've been trying to find his collection called When We Were Very Young but still couldn't find it. I love this post!!

  25. I love the timelessness of the insomnia poem. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

  26. I've not heard of A.A. Milne, I'll check him out! I have a snoring husband as well and have found that ear plugs work wonders for my sleep! My mother started it with my dad and I quickly adopted the idea from her. I get the soft ones from the drugstore. Some people can't sleep with things in their ears, but it's worth a shot if you are constantly woken. :)