Sunday, 11 March 2012

FAIRY

In an effort to publish something that has nothing to do with the Fecker I went into my back log and found this in draft. It comes from The Family History so it is quite possible it has already appeared. For that I apologise and for those for whom it is new I will explain that Harry was my stepfather, Mick my elder brother and Fairy my grandmother, mother's mother.


I think it only fair that I should make an effort to flesh out the character of my stepfather Harry .  I have called him evil and malign and he was, but I did not know that at the time as I was too young to put a name to evil, except in the context of sin as it had been drummed into me by the nuns. To lie was sinful; to steal something or to cheat was also sinful, to kiss my brother in the street was a sin as was running, dancing or singing, leaving food on my plate, vomiting, forgetting my place and having a sinful mother. What I did know was that he was cruel and had hate in his heart. He never, in all the years I lived under his roof, hit me and only once did he raise his hand to me [that was the day he knew he had lost the battle]  He had been married before and had a child named Tony and this child had died a terrible death in a scalding accident.  Perhaps he had once been a normal happy-go-lucky man, but by the time he met mother he was the man he would be for the next 40 odd years. He determined to have another child and had chosen mum as the perfect candidate. He wooed her wisely, taking his time to gain her confidence but she was adamant, she did not love him and never could, she told him. One night he took her home, she was crying because another man had taken the test and failed. A few G&T’s and my ever fertile mother was hooked.
They married eventually and my brother Tony was born and during these events Mick and I were sent to stay with Fairy.

My Grandmother, Lillian did not have a happy life; a fact that was reflected in her disposition which was sour, and in her features, which were pinched and bitter, And I often wondered why someone who was so obviously unhappy, should choose to answer to the nickname, Fairy.  On the death of her husband, she had a succession of ‘boyfriends’. One I remember in particular was Alphonse. He was a small man, almost a caricature of our image of a Frenchman, lacking only the striped jersey and a string of onions. Alphonse was a dapper dresser, always wearing a pin striped suit and a waistcoat with a gold watch and chain draped across his front, a camel overcoat and a homburg hat. He had a jolly smile that stretched his pencil thin moustache across his shiny red cheeks. 

Poor Alphonse was unceremoniously dumped from Fairy’s bed and turned out of the house when Mick and I arrived for an unscheduled stay during one of mother’s crises. They met up later at the local pub and Mick and I spied on them through the glass patterned door with Ind Coop & Alsop etched into it. He passed us lemonade and crisps and winked hugely. 
Granny Young believed strongly in the old adages that children should be seen and not heard, should speak only when spoken to, that the Devil made work for idle hands, and that cleanliness was next to godliness [at least where it concerned her old solid fuel, built into the wall, black, cast iron range] We were roused at daybreak, breakfasted on bread and dripping and then had to perform our chores. Mick had to clean all the shoes, clear out the clinkers from the stove and chop wood. I had to make the beds, sweep the two bedrooms and down the stairs [all with a dustpan and brush] and then blacken the hated stove. I used a boot brush to put on the black polish and then had to buff it all over with another brush. I was ten at the time and Mick twelve.[so this must have been at the time of Tony’s birth] I have no recollection of school then, but as Granny had to go to work we were obliged to find something to occupy the hours until she returned.  We would go down the road and visit with great granny Gregory sometimes. Just a short visit because she was very old by then and slept a great deal. She lived in a small room that smelled of talcum powder and lavender water, in the house belonging to Aunt Rose who was married to granny Young’s brother, Teddy.  I believe Teddy was quite successful at whatever he did, because we seldom saw him out of his working clothes of suit and black overcoat. He too wore a Homburg hat and was very tall and serious. He had a large car that we were forbidden to touch.[Perhaps he was an undertaker] Great granny looked rather like the old Queen Victoria. She always wore a long black dress with a white lace collar and a square of lace sat on her swept up white hair.  She would offer us a biscuit but usually forgot and nodded off to sleep before she had delivered. We would giggle and creep out of the room. I think we probably went to see whether she would ever remove the lid off the tin or if sleep would win.

            I remember Granny Young mostly for her unkindness; she took food meant for us and cooked it for herself and Alphonse while we were made to eat Tripe Ugh! - And for her uncompromising meanness of spirit. She never had a good word to say for our mother, whom we adored in the way that only innocent children can love their mother; never missing a chance to denigrate her for her glamour and joi de vivre. Only in the evening, when-having taken out the flat metal curlers that had been hidden all day under a scarf tied into a turban - she would comb out her dark hair and twist the curls around her finger, powder her face and cover her thin lips with a dark red lipstick. Then her small bright eyes would twinkle and she would be off to the Pub with Mick and me trailing behind. Whatever the weather we were made to stand on the narrow pavement against the wall and wait for her. Customers would come and go and each time the door opened we would be assailed by the smells of beer, cigarettes and humanity.  If, as was sometimes the case, she exited the worse for wear, we would each take a side and half carry her home.  No matter how blathered she had been the night before, when we were called out of bed in the morning she would be there, hair tightly curled, turban on her head and her pinafore tightly tied around her, ready for the day ahead.

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

AND I WOULD LIKE TO THANK...

Six months ago JP and I had it all sussed out, life was routine, uneventful and bordering on the boring. That was the time when you could set your watch by the morning and afternoon dog walks, by breakfast lunch and dinner. There were my jobs-housework, shopping, dog, cooking-and his usually involving a chopper and wood or secateurs and wood.

Then the Flecker arrived and everything changed overnight.
The carer became the cared for.

At first it was impossibly hard for him, and a man for whom exercise meant a short walk to the end of the road each morning and a swing around the Supermarket once a week now had two dog walks a day and countless trips up and down our 16 very steep stairs [actually he did count the times one day but gave up at 29] He has learnt to cook  adding to his repertoire of tomato sauce he can  now present me with a perfectly boiled egg and toast soldiers, pasta's and various vegetables.  He helped me bathe and dress for five weeks before the helped kicked into place and now that is the only thing he doesn't have to do for me on a bad day.

And I am a bad tempered harridan and rarely say thank-you...so here is my very public declaration of gratitude for the brilliant way he has turned so many minuses into pluses. One of which is that he now is super fit.

THANK YOU JP. YOU ARE A STAR.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

FED UP!

 I'm fed up today. Woke up with the grumps for no particular reason.  Things have been going quite well [touching wood] lately, had my fiith chemo without any major dramas' and even the sun is making itself more and more visible so the cause of my sour mood is hardly obvious.

I'm fed up appearing to be brave...brave I certainly am not in fact I tend to quiver internally non-stop, a quiver which makes my hands shake knees pop and gives me palpitations.

I'm fed up being asked to verbalise my thoughts on the mistaken assumption that my agonised looks indicate they have meaning beyond wondering if the two seagulls I have been watching are going to get it on. I think 'small' things...how to cook lasagne..is the front door of my son's house black or white can I manage another half hour on the couch, shall I take a sleeping pill tonight?

Went to spend the day at the Hospice yesterday and it was a good day, had some laughs saw lots of folks worse than me being bright and brave and ready. I even managed to go outside and look for the Labyrinth


walk a little way then sit for a while in the splendid sunshine. One day I shall walk it entirely...supposed to make one feel 'something'.


I'm off to give up more blood, my darlings...the local vampire 'hang out' [geddit] does very well by me.

Soon with much more better stuff [nod to Suldog]

Thursday, 16 February 2012

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE HAD A BATTER DAY.

Yesterday was such a good day. Though, like most days that are 'marked' as different it began with a hospital appointment for  pre-assessment before Friday's Chemo. Blood was taken and the gods were smiling , because rather than the trooping of the Vampires standing in line to prove that they can find a vein...my little nurse hit it first time and we were done and dusted and out of there before the cock crowed eleven. A minor detour to pick up some work for NOAOS and the world was our oyster, scallop or cockle. (The reason for the seafood theme will emerge tout de suit  )


First stop was B&Q in Canterbury [for those of you from foreign parts B&Q is a vast store selling everything you could possibly need to build a house including bathroom and kitchen. It is also a garden centre.]
NOAOS had a time of it shuttling between my chair and the large wagon as I chose three large pkts compost, two cherry trees and a plum tree and five rose bushes. (And if that isn't a clear case of optimism I don't know what is.)

By the time we had arranged for delivery we were both getting hungry and we decided to listen to JP for once and his suggestion that we eat at a restaurant in Whitstable and, once again luck was with us with a parking space outside the place from which the most heavenly and well remembered smells were wafting out and around our heads so that we looked like the Bisto Kids raising our noses  and sniffing like bloodhounds on the scent of a good gravy. The dining room was packed but we found two seats and ordered, mouths salivating..




FISH&CHIPS

Now I am a bit of a connoisseur of fish and chips having owned and run one for a short while [it was too successful and we sold it sharpish] and it is many years since I have had anything that tasted half as good...either the fish had been frozen or the batter too thick or soggy and chips too greasy. Our plates, when they arrived  overflowed with dry crisp chips and a large piece of fish in crispy bubbles of batter. It was, like the best meal ever...accompanied by bread and butter [a must] sweet gherkin and a mug of tea we were silent as we chomped our way through our pesci. delights, stopping only for the occasional thumbs up or gulp of oxygen.

At one time fish and chips was a poor man's dish, as cheap as the newspaper it came wrapped in. Not any more. Ours  did cost the equivalent of a steak but hey, 'twas worth every penny.


Thursday, 9 February 2012

Come Spring!

I keep saying it...like a mantra; Come spring and I will be better. Come spring and simply seeing the sun will be enough to make everything right...come the Springtime all will be well.

I've planned a party. The garden will look wonderful, all Lavender and roses. JP's grape vine will be flourishing in it's new position facing due south and the hammock I have fallen in love with will have arrived and been hung and invites me to swing.. All the children will be here and we will have cooked up a storm of chicken and potato salad and crudités, of  crisp French bread and a groaning cheeseboard.

I forgot to say that of course the weather will be perfect, warm enough to be glad of that breath of a breeze and the touch of a new cashmere  cardie...a perfect compliment to my maxi dress of  voile.

Of course you are all welcome

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

THE NEW, NOT SO NICE, ME.

Since the advent of The Flecker I've changed. To be expected most of you will say...be odd if you hadn't.You must be apprehensive, angry, frustrated at your lack of control over the day to day running of your household...irritated by the restrictions the symptoms place upon you..and yes, a little bit of all of that comes into it but the biggest change is in my attitude to the world around me.

I just don't care who is running the Rovers Return or the Queen Vic. It means naught to me if  Dr. Who regenerates without me or if the Daleks take over the world. I have no interest in knowing which of the three Stoogies have put their foot in their mouths and lied to us again on National telly, nor do I care who wins
 the US presidency, who is the chef du jour, who escaped the Jungle, skated their socks off, won any one of Cowell's tacky shows or became a multi-millionaire over night. I cannot read further than the first lines of any book or newspaper before losing interest and spend a good deal of time staring off into space while listening to Radio Four...the only medium that does not bore me to tears. 
 
The wide circle I do care about encompasses half the world includes the family of course and old friends and my blogging mates.

As for the rest it's still all about me.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Back but empty-headed





It's been a bit rough and Saz has kept you up to date so no point in re-hashing.

Suffice it to say I am once again attached to the Net, and I will never turn my computer off again, ever. NOAOS has fixed it so that Paco 'hibernates' who'd of thunk it? Oh and MLS, I didn't do it and don't know how to undo it, but for you and all of us who hate veri...it will get fixed.


I hate how I feel...just...not well. Tired, of course  and a little bit icky and a little bit this and a little bit that; and the cellulitus in my arm, caused, unbelievably by the rubbing of the plastic name tab at the Hospice of all places, means I must try to sleep with my arm elevated and the cashmere scarf tied to the bedpost precisely for that purpose raised a few eyebrows.


My hair is growing in, curly, and the fact that it is also snowy white is making me look more bald than ever. Rather like a bald eagle.


And now a picture to make you smile, circa 1972





The blonde and the Bad Boy