Thursday 1 March 2012


 I'm fed up today. Woke up with the grumps for no particular reason.  Things have been going quite well [touching wood] lately, had my fiith chemo without any major dramas' and even the sun is making itself more and more visible so the cause of my sour mood is hardly obvious.

I'm fed up appearing to be brave...brave I certainly am not in fact I tend to quiver internally non-stop, a quiver which makes my hands shake knees pop and gives me palpitations.

I'm fed up being asked to verbalise my thoughts on the mistaken assumption that my agonised looks indicate they have meaning beyond wondering if the two seagulls I have been watching are going to get it on. I think 'small' to cook the front door of my son's house black or white can I manage another half hour on the couch, shall I take a sleeping pill tonight?

Went to spend the day at the Hospice yesterday and it was a good day, had some laughs saw lots of folks worse than me being bright and brave and ready. I even managed to go outside and look for the Labyrinth

walk a little way then sit for a while in the splendid sunshine. One day I shall walk it entirely...supposed to make one feel 'something'.

I'm off to give up more blood, my darlings...the local vampire 'hang out' [geddit] does very well by me.

Soon with much more better stuff [nod to Suldog]


  1. Oh, Sweetie,
    may I send you a big hug?

  2. Feeling a little 'under the labyrinth' is perfectly fine.

    So too, is being honest about how you do feel, when you feel it, Moannie!

    We loves you anyways.

    I hope your vampire looks like Bill or Eric (True Blood TV references :)

    Look after you, and the seagulls!

    p.s. Did they get it on?!

    Much love,

    Fhi xxx

  3. One day...each a move forward. Peace.

  4. Good to hear from you, Moannie.......and we all have bad days....some just worse than others.
    Hang in there. Enjoy the sun, let the quivers go.

  5. You (and everyone else) is certainly 'due' crappy days and the brave stuff? Seriously, its rubbish .. I again respectfully submit that anger is a lot better way to deal .. anger at the cancer, anger at the chemo, anger at the vampire's blood letting .. I found it a good defense against the panic attacks and feelings of queasy that accompanied my trying to be brave .. for who?

  6. Look for you each day, glad you're back, certainly understand your grumpiness. Hope you have a better week.

  7. If you weren't frightened, you wouldn't be human. And you are certainly entitled to be grumpy. I would be. I wouldn't care about this blog world or what anybody else had to say or what they were doing. I would only be concerned about myself. I am sure of it. Here you are, letting all of us know what is going on in your life, good or bad, and that, my dear Moannie, shows what a better person you are than I. And that is why I admire you so. With all you are being subjected to, with all you are faced with, feeling brave before chemo, ready to fight, or angry at the politicians and their greediness, or happy and full from fish and chips or from shopping for new clothes, you take the time to share your experiences with us.

    I hope tomorrow will bring smiles and joys for you. Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, more hugs, tighter hugs. Know you are loved.

  8. I'm always so happy to see The View pop up. There's Moannie! Enjoy your sunshine and hope you get a better week.

  9. We all have up and down days. May yours get better. Hugs!

  10. I'm not much of a one for hugging folk but please have a virtual hug from me. In the circumstances you deserve it. And hey, if you can't feel fed up when you want to it's a poor look out for us with less to complain of.

    I understand garlic works well at deterring the vampires. Breathe it all over them!

    Love and kisses,

  11. It gets tedious after a while.
    Wishing you the strength to plod on with the treatment ..... remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. Feel sure your humour will get you through.
    Maggie XXXX

    Nuts in May

  12. The bit about the will-they-won't-they fornicating seagulls got a warm smile from me. I hope you don't worry too much about beIng brave - I don't get the impression anyone is expecting that from you, except maybe you.

  13. eh, we all get the grumps for no apparent reason now and then. roll with it. glad hospice was a bright spot though. the labrynth sounds quite interesting though. i like the idea.

  14. I've lived almost my whole life on Long Island, which is chock-full of seagulls, and do you know I've never, not even once, seen seagulls getting it on? They must do it at such great heights that it's not visible from the ground. What fun that would be!

  15. I have blood cancer and I feel that's all I do give blood sk

    Some days I say enough